Life After You
by ThatCoolKidSpardel
Summary: What I think the last episode could/should be...I don't own Degrassi or the song Life After You by Daughtry. Oneshot. Please read and review?


_All that I'm after is a life full of laughter,_

_As long as I'm laughing with you._

**Eli's POV:**

"Damn it!" I cursed as I felt the engine rumble unsteadily beneath me.

I heard a noise and then Morty slowly rolled to a stop.

_Fucking vintage piece of shit._

"You had to break down NOW?" I yelled, slamming my hand down on the dashboard.

I was so upset that I screamed like that for a few more seconds, hitting everything within my reach.

My breath was shaky and my hands were trembling.

I leaned back against my head rest and sighed, closing my eyes.

I felt a tear slide down my cheek and I wiped it away angrily.

How could Clare do this to me?

"_Eli, you need to calm down."_

"_You ripped my HEART OUT!" _

"_Eli, listen to me."_

"_Why? All you do is lie to me. You made me a promise…that you would never leave me. And you DID!"_

"_Eli, I'm not leaving you, I'm just worried about you!"_

"_Why, because I scare you Clare?"_

"_Because I love you Eli. But the way you're behaving isn't normal, its-…"_

"_If you really loved me you'd wanna be with me!"_

"_Not every second of every day! Of course I wanna be with you Eli, but all I want is a little space!" _

"_Well now you've got it. I'm leaving."_

"_Leaving where?"_

"_My home. Degrassi. This world. I don't even care anymore."_

"_Eli you better not be saying what I think you're saying."_

"_Why do you care, goodbye Clare."_

"_No! Eli, answer me!"_

I got out of my car and sat down on the side of the road. Clare and I are broken up. And sure, technically I was the one who officially ended it with that phone call, but she made it obvious that she didn't wanna be with me. We'd had a fight the day before…

"_Eli, you need to leave."_

"_Why, so Fitz can come over? Or K.C., or Drew, or Sav, or Adam?"_

"_Eli do you hear yourself? Why the HELL would I cheat on you with your best friend, his older brother, my best friends' older brother, my ex, or our worst enemy?"_

"_I don't know, you tell me."_

"_Eli! I'm not cheating on you with any of them!"_

"_Then who are you cheating on me with?"_

"_No one Eli!"_

"_Then why is it so important that I leave?"_

"_Because I need my space! I told you Eli, you're suffocating me and I can't take it anymore!"_

"_I guess I just don't understand why you don't love me anymore."_

"_Eli, I do love you, you just…"_

"_What?"_

"_You SCARE me, Eli."_

Tears were falling down my cheeks again and I buried my face in my hands.

I can't believe this. After all Clare and I had been through, I thought she was the one, but she was just wasting my time.

What am I going to do now?

_Forget her Eli, you can live without her._

I keep telling myself that, but I'm far from actually believing it.

My phone beeped, and I took it out of my pocket.

I had a new text message from Clare.

_If you want to know why I was talking to Fitz, it was because I was telling him to leave both you and me alone. I don't like him anymore than you do Eli, and I'm definitely not cheating on you with him. I hope you read this._

That did it.

I lost it. Completely.

What have I done? Clare, she was looking out for me, she meant what she said; she loves me.

So why did I do this? Why did I cling to her so much that she got sick of me, and why did I blame her retreating on her when I knew…

I knew along that she was right, I have been suffocating her.

I joined the drama club, even though I hated being on stage. Clare was happy at first, but I soon ruined that for her. I followed her everywhere, asked to read lines with her all the time. I got anxious when she started reading lines with other people, even if she had scenes with them.

I was so convinced that she was going to cheat on me; that she already was. I even saw other girls as a threat.

I kept thinking: _I can't let Clare leave me_.

I would be nothing without her. I couldn't...I couldn't lose her.

I started following her everywhere, calling her all the time. I freaked out when she didn't text me back only thirty seconds after I'd sent her a message.

I was downright stalking her, and it wasn't right.

I should've listened to her; she tried to tell me so calmly that she just wanted space. That was the only thing she wanted. But I wouldn't give it to her.

Why?

I know why, but…she doesn't. No one really does.

But she has to know if I'm going to fix this, if I'm going to get her back.

I picked up my phone and dialed her number.

…no answer.

My stomach dropped and I felt like I was going to puke. I can't take this. I need to see her, I…

I looked back toward Morty. He's broken down.

How am I going to get home?

**Clare's POV:**

I sat on the front step of Degrassi, wiping tears off my cheeks. Needless to say I'm not really in a dancing mood.

Eli could be dead by now. He wouldn't respond to me, he just said goodbye and hung up.

I tried calling him after that, but he didn't answer. I text him, but he didn't answer that either.

Eventually I got so upset I just threw my phone away.

I looked out at the dimly lit parking lot, staring off into space.

It was then that I saw a figure running toward me. Could it be…?

"Eli?" I yelled in disbelief, standing up and running toward the figure.

"Clare, I, I-…" He keeled over and I sprinted the remaining distance him.

He was sweaty and panting, lying down on the ground.

"Did you run all the way here Eli?"

**Eli's POV:**

I nodded, since speaking wasn't possible for the time being.

"Eli, I was worried sick! Why didn't you just call me, why wouldn't you answer me calls?"

"I…I couldn't say it in a phone call Clare."

"Couldn't say what?"

I took a deep breath and looked up at her. Her face was tearstained. I know I'm the cause of her crying. _I should burn in hell._

"Clare…" I didn't know where to start.

"Eli, please just talk to me."

"I'm sorry Clare. I am so fucking sorry for EVERYTHING. You're right, I was suffocating you, and I was being totally irrational thinking you were cheating on me. It's just…you were exhibiting a lot of the signs, avoiding me, shrugging me off, and well…I've had first had experiences with cheating, so I know the signs really well…"

Clare gasped and looked horrified. "Eli, did…did Julia cheat on you?" She looked heartbroken, she feels bad for me, which makes this so much harder…

"No…" my eyes were warm and wet, and I knew the tears were coming…

"I cheated on her."

I lost it for the third time that night.

There I sat, weeping in the parking lot, while Clare just stared at me open mouthed.

"It was the worst mistake I've ever made in my entire life. I hate myself for it…I…" It was hard for me to speak, my voice was cracking but I managed to croak out words in between sobs. "I cheated on her for about a month. And then I finally decided that I was doing was so wrong, so disgusting, that I ended it. I knew cheating was a mistake and I regretted it just as much then as I do now. But I didn't tell Julia, I didn't want to hurt her. Unfortunately, she found out…"

Clare stared at me; tears were falling from her eyes again.

"That's what the fight was about. She found out I had cheated. And then she rode away on her bike and I never saw her ever again."

More sobs ripped from my chest uncontrollably, and I could barely breathe.

Clare put her hand on my arm and rubbed it gently.

"Eli…it's okay."

"No it's not!" I yelled, more at myself than at her. "I killed her. I broke her heart, I destroyed her. And then I lost her. I lost the closest person in my life, the only person I'd ever had a connection, the only person I'd ever loved. I couldn't handle it. I saved everything that reminded me of her, even some things that didn't. I would go to her grave and try to talk to her, argue with her, ask her to come back to life for me. I used ouigi boards, I used those weird ancient spell books, I used anything and everything I could to try to reach her."

"I was insane, absolutely insane. Eventually I stopped trying to resurrect her, but the hoarding didn't let up until recently as you know. I guess you could say I still tried to resurrect her memory. But Clare…you can't imagine how…desolate I felt. I wanted to die, I felt like I was dead, I felt like I had absolutely nothing. That feeling, that hopelessness…I-…I can't feel that way again Clare!"

"Which is why I clung to you. I didn't want to lose you. I know it only takes an instant for someone to die, for someone's life to change, or end. I…I couldn't go through that again, not with you. Not when I felt an even stronger connection to you than I did to her. I just…losing you Clare, it would, it would-…"

I had to stop and sob for a few more minutes, words just weren't an option. But I think Clare got the point.

"And I guess my phobia of you cheating came from my own guilt. It's like, I knew I deserved to have you cheat on me, but I still couldn't bear the thought of it. It was like back and forth in my head, whiplash, it just-…"

"Eli."

Clare cut me off then.

I looked up at her and took a few shaky breaths, waiting for her to say more.

"How long have you been sitting on all of this for?" She asked.

"I've never told anyone what I just told you. Not since the day Julia died."

"Not even your therapist?"

"Of course not. I can't…I can't…"

"Why can't you Eli?"

"Because…" My voice cracked and I started crying again.

"I already hate myself. And even though I deserve it, I … I don't want anyone else to hate me. I don't want anyone to know how horrible of a person I am. I only told you because I know you already hate me."

And then she did the last thing I expected her to do.

She kissed me.

She wrapped me in her arms and I held her back tightly, squeezing her too my chest. I didn't know why she was hugging me, why she even wanted to be around me, but I sure as hell wasn't going to protest.

"Eli…I could never hate you. I love you Eli. And so does Adam, and your parents…do you really think they would all hate you if they knew you cheated on Julia?"

"They should."

"No they shouldn't Eli. You made a mistake. A very bad mistake but…everyone makes mistakes. You know it was wrong and you're sorry and now you need to forgive yourself Eli…you've been holding onto this for too long."

"But I can't Clare, I…I don't know how…" I whimpered into her shoulder, crying again.

My body was shaking but Clare held me and I was able to remain upright.

"Which is why you need help Eli. You need to talk to your therapist about this, he won't judge you Eli, it's his job to help you, not hate you."

"But, but-…"

"Eli, no buts. You need help."

I know she's right. I should agree, I have to trust people, I have to trust myself.

"Okay." I murmured. Clare hugged me tighter.

"Thank you Eli. Thank you."

"So…" I was afraid to ask the question. "Where does this leave us?"

Clare pulled away to look at me. "I've told you how I feel. Yes, I need my space and I understand now why you couldn't give it to me-…"

"But that doesn't excuse it Clare. I really am sorry, and I'll back off, I promise."

Her face lit up. "Thank you Eli."

"Maybe instead of calling you all the time…I could call my therapist?" It came out as a question because I was still nervous about therapy, but the way Clare smiled even bigger when I said it convinced me to try it.

"But you can still call Eli. Just in moderation, because too much of even the best things is still too much."

"And I'm not even the best thing."

She put her hand on my knee and started rubbing small circles on it.

"You are to me Eli. Like I said, I told you how I feel. I love you."

Tears started falling from my eyes again, but this time they were tears of joy.

"I love you too Clare."

We kissed, and I couldn't contain the moan that escaped my lips.

_I am the luckiest guy in the world. _

-x-x-x-

"_Oh why did I ever doubt you? You know that I'd die here without you._

_All that I'm after as a life full of laughter, as long as I'm laughing with you._

_All that still matters is love ever after, after the life we've been through, 'cause I know there's no life after you."_

The song faded out and everyone cheered as the dance ended. People were shuffling around us, but Clare and I stayed firmly put.

I was holding her in my arms and her head was resting on my shoulder. I would stay like this forever.

But I knew that wasn't possible, we'll have to leave soon.

Alli walked up to us and smiled meekly, clearing her throat.

"Clare." I said, and she looked up at Alli.

"Oh, uh, hey!" Clare stuttered, fixing her hair as she pulled away from me. I missed her warmth, but it was cute how she got embarrassed whenever we got caught together.

"Are you still sleeping over?" Alli asked.

"Oh, I forgot! I told Eli that we would go out after this-…"

"Actually, I think you should sleepover at Alli's" I interjected. Both girls looked at me, stunned.

"We can go out tomorrow." I murmured, brushing a lock of Clare's hair behind her ear.

"Cool! Alright Clare, my moms waiting, let's go!"

Clare kissed me on the cheek and hugged me goodbye. "Thank you." She whispered in my ear.

"I love you." Was all I said back.

I left the dance a little while after that too, I figured I'd better call someone to go take a look at Morty.

And then…maybe…I'll run by the graveyard. It is….the day after all.

I'd forgotten for a little while in the midst of everything, but I know that I have to go. To be fair to Julia and myself.

Maybe I can start the forgiving process tonight, if that's even possible.

But why should I doubt Clare?

"Oh why did I ever doubt you? I know I would die here without you." I sang the lyrics under my breath as I walked away from Degrassi, back towards my house.

"Cause I know there's no life after you."


End file.
